Once upon a time, I had a website for Hoosiers who had moved away from Indiana called Expatriate Hoosiers. I'm now in the process of resurrecting this site as a blog.
The Expatriate Hoosiers Blog site will be a place for the vast Indiana diaspora, and those who love them. It will be a place to catch up on all things Indiana, visit linked Hoosier websites and celebrate the Colts' imminent Super Bowl victory. (And, yes, pray for Peyton Manning's thumb!)
So... if you know a Hoosier - either someone who is from in Indiana or still lives there - please tell them about The Expatriate Hoosiers Blog. It makes the ideal Christmas gift!
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Irritable Vowel Syndrom
My accent is fading. I used to speak with a pronounced Indiana twang - a verbal reminder of my homeland of which I have been stubbornly proud for years. However, this year marks the 13th anniversary of Jennie and I's incredible escape from the Hoosier state (for extremely fictious details, read my blog post from 29 March 2006, The Great Escape). I still remember the brush and the briars, the terror of being hunted down by snarling dogs and various farm animals, the guards in their coveralls atop their tractors, having to crawl through that crudely dug tunnel, emerging on the Illinois side of the razor-wire electric fence...
Alas, I digress...
While my twang may be fading, there are still some word pronunciations that drive me up a tree. Much like our beloved president who talks about "nu-kyuw-lur" weapons (its nu-clee-ar, folks!), I cannot make myself refer to my parents' sisters and sisters-in-laws as "onts". They are my aunts (pronounced "ants").
I was baptized in a creek (pronounced "crick"). Creek is the sound your wood doors make when they need oil.
And don't pick on me because my car has windahs.
OK... there's plenty of room for multiple pronunciations of most of the English language. That's why I love English so much - it is so pliable! You can abuse it, misuse it... heck, practically destroy it! - and it will still convey your message. Sometimes even better!
Yabetcha! (OK... another non-Hoosierism I refuse to adopt.)
Alas, I digress...
While my twang may be fading, there are still some word pronunciations that drive me up a tree. Much like our beloved president who talks about "nu-kyuw-lur" weapons (its nu-clee-ar, folks!), I cannot make myself refer to my parents' sisters and sisters-in-laws as "onts". They are my aunts (pronounced "ants").
I was baptized in a creek (pronounced "crick"). Creek is the sound your wood doors make when they need oil.
And don't pick on me because my car has windahs.
OK... there's plenty of room for multiple pronunciations of most of the English language. That's why I love English so much - it is so pliable! You can abuse it, misuse it... heck, practically destroy it! - and it will still convey your message. Sometimes even better!
Yabetcha! (OK... another non-Hoosierism I refuse to adopt.)
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
This Week at the Cineplex
OHMAGOSH 84 CINEPLEX
WHEN YOU HAVE 90 MINUTES AND A CAR PAYMENT TO BURN
This week's concession stand special:
- Super-Huge Feedsack of Popcorn with Yellow Liquid Oil you can pretend is butter
- Two 1-gallon sodas
- $159.95
- (Home Equity Financing now available at the snack bar. Ask for Tommy.)
BLIND DADDY'S REVENGE (R) - Betsy got her daddy's eyes. Now Daddy's come to get them back. (Michael Caine, Hillary Swank, Queen Latifah)
TERROR IN THE SKY (R) - No legroom. No pillows. No free peanuts. And someone with a foot odor issue won't leave their shoes on! (Louis Gossett, Jr., Sally Field, Queen Latifah)
PENGUINS OVER A VERY STEEP CLIFF (PG) - This charming animated feature promises to bring an end to the genre of penguin-infested children's flicks. (Voices by Howie Mandel, Rosie O'Donnell, James Earl Jones, Queen Latifah)
HELLO, LARRY! (PG-13) - Just when you thought the last possible old TV show had been mined for motion pictures, along comes this offering from the bottom of the well. Larry and his two teenage daughters get into an argument over cleaning the microwave. Showing on 60 of our 84 screens! (Hillary Duff, Jessica Simpson, the late McLean Stevenson, Queen Latifah)
BACK TO THE FUTURE IV: THE FINAL VOYAGE (PG-13) - Doc Brown travels with Mick McFly (Marty's third cousin) to ancient Mesopotamia to discover that the same people who hated each other back then still hate one another today (Ben Stiller, Christopher Lloyd, Leah Thompson, Queen Latifah)
THE ADVENTURES OF ALVIN AND SCOOTER 2: CHEW ON THIS (G) - The heartwarming tale of a boy and his cuddly-yet-rabid pet ferret. (Peter Billingsley, Beyonce, Chad Stewart as the firm-yet-understanding neurosurgeon, Queen Latifah)
Friday, January 12, 2007
The Next Big Move (or not...)
Everytime Jennie and I move, we go further north. Indiana to Chicagoland, Chicagoland to the Twin Cities... I tease my wife that our next stop is Winnipeg. She threatens me everytime I mention migrating to Canada, with everything from refusing to do my laundry anymore (so what) to no longer cooking her homemade Chicken and Wild Rice Soup for me (ok, that gets my attention).
However, after watching the local weather this morning, I've had a change of heart.
According to one local meteorologist, Winnipeg was looking at wind chills in the neighborhood of -55*F.
That's below zero.
That's painfully below zero.
When I saw the "-55" on the regional weather map, my toes instantly turned a lovely shade of violet blue, and icicles began to form on my spleen.
However, I am still holding out hope for a northward move. (Jennie, if you're reading this, don't contact the divorce lawyer. I promise this isn't Manitoba.) A couple of years back, we fell in love with this small town on the north shore of Lake Superior called Grand Marais.
I figure, as a pastor / writer, I can live just about anywhere. Besides, writers make beaucoup bucks, because they know lots of linguistic tricks, like how to abuse foreign words (like beaucoup) and make them sound like they fit. The way I figure it, all I have to do is write and sell about 250 articles a month, and we're in like Flynn! (Well... that and Jennie getting a job at the Gunflint Tavern - home of the world's greatest vegetarian chili!)
There's not a Supermegawegotitall store to be found. But they have the Dockside Fish Market. Between the smoked fish, pickled herring and the Gunflint's chili (which, as an employee, Jennie could get the recipe for), we will eat like royalty!
Just think... sitting along the shore, writing all day long, preparing sermons, and munching on smoked fish with not a care in the world... Works for me! Besides, right now the wind chill is only -16*F in Grand Marais. That's a lot warmer than Winnipeg!
However, after watching the local weather this morning, I've had a change of heart.
According to one local meteorologist, Winnipeg was looking at wind chills in the neighborhood of -55*F.
That's below zero.
That's painfully below zero.
When I saw the "-55" on the regional weather map, my toes instantly turned a lovely shade of violet blue, and icicles began to form on my spleen.
However, I am still holding out hope for a northward move. (Jennie, if you're reading this, don't contact the divorce lawyer. I promise this isn't Manitoba.) A couple of years back, we fell in love with this small town on the north shore of Lake Superior called Grand Marais.
I figure, as a pastor / writer, I can live just about anywhere. Besides, writers make beaucoup bucks, because they know lots of linguistic tricks, like how to abuse foreign words (like beaucoup) and make them sound like they fit. The way I figure it, all I have to do is write and sell about 250 articles a month, and we're in like Flynn! (Well... that and Jennie getting a job at the Gunflint Tavern - home of the world's greatest vegetarian chili!)
There's not a Supermegawegotitall store to be found. But they have the Dockside Fish Market. Between the smoked fish, pickled herring and the Gunflint's chili (which, as an employee, Jennie could get the recipe for), we will eat like royalty!
Just think... sitting along the shore, writing all day long, preparing sermons, and munching on smoked fish with not a care in the world... Works for me! Besides, right now the wind chill is only -16*F in Grand Marais. That's a lot warmer than Winnipeg!
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Overly Lame Blog Entry Removed While Author Can Still Step Outside Without Hiding His Face In Shame
Earlier today, I wrote a blog entry that started thusly:
I was just reading the hometown online newspaper and this headline caught my eye:
COUGAR ESCAPES - STILL MISSING
For my homepeeps back in Clay County, do not panic. John "Cougar" Mellencamp is really quite harmless...
From there the writing quickly slid down hill, devolving into a series of lame puns based on John Mellencamp song titles. For the sake of what little dignity I have, I will not mention the pink house he escaped from, or the names of his captors (yes, Jack and Diane).
One of the lessons I have read time and again about writing is to turn off one's inner self-editor. Just write and don't worry about the words. Just get the message out - rough as it may be.
Well... there's rough. And there's coarse sandpaper. And this little blog entry hurt so good... er, uh, you know what I mean. I got to keep on writing, no matter how bad. It's still early, and I ain't even done with the night... uh-oh... sorry!
Stop me before I pun again! I don't want this blog to come crumblin' down under the weight of all these Mellencamp puns. Arrrgh!! I did it again!
I was just reading the hometown online newspaper and this headline caught my eye:
COUGAR ESCAPES - STILL MISSING
For my homepeeps back in Clay County, do not panic. John "Cougar" Mellencamp is really quite harmless...
From there the writing quickly slid down hill, devolving into a series of lame puns based on John Mellencamp song titles. For the sake of what little dignity I have, I will not mention the pink house he escaped from, or the names of his captors (yes, Jack and Diane).
One of the lessons I have read time and again about writing is to turn off one's inner self-editor. Just write and don't worry about the words. Just get the message out - rough as it may be.
Well... there's rough. And there's coarse sandpaper. And this little blog entry hurt so good... er, uh, you know what I mean. I got to keep on writing, no matter how bad. It's still early, and I ain't even done with the night... uh-oh... sorry!
Stop me before I pun again! I don't want this blog to come crumblin' down under the weight of all these Mellencamp puns. Arrrgh!! I did it again!
Sunday, January 07, 2007
Wanted: Prompts (or Send Me A Word - Or A Phrase - Or Some Inspired Clipping)
A couple of summers ago, Jennie and I took a daytrip to Red Wing, MN 55066. On the way home, we stopped at some garage sales near Hastings. It was at one of those sales that I picked up a couple of hinged wooden Hoyo de Monterrey de Jose Gener cigar boxes. I found them to be nice repositories of clipped writing prompts.
What I do is, when I'm reading a newspaper, magazine, etc., and I see a word or phrase that catches my eye and tickles my creativity, I clip the words out and put them into the cigar box. When I need some prompting in my writing, I reach for the box of prompts and dig. When one of the clippings sparks my brain, I begin writing.
Here is where you come in: I'm asking each of you to send me a word. Or a phrase. Something fun and creative that I can print, clip and add to the box. Just a starting off point for some freewriting.
I will post any resulting writings either here, or (if the prompt is Christian in nature) the Contemplative Encourager blogspot. If your prompt begets any writing, you will receive my deepest gratitude and a name-drop on the blog entry.
Hope to hear from you soon!
What I do is, when I'm reading a newspaper, magazine, etc., and I see a word or phrase that catches my eye and tickles my creativity, I clip the words out and put them into the cigar box. When I need some prompting in my writing, I reach for the box of prompts and dig. When one of the clippings sparks my brain, I begin writing.
Here is where you come in: I'm asking each of you to send me a word. Or a phrase. Something fun and creative that I can print, clip and add to the box. Just a starting off point for some freewriting.
I will post any resulting writings either here, or (if the prompt is Christian in nature) the Contemplative Encourager blogspot. If your prompt begets any writing, you will receive my deepest gratitude and a name-drop on the blog entry.
Hope to hear from you soon!
Thursday, January 04, 2007
GRAND RE-OPENING!
JUMBLED ENCEPHALON NOODLE SALAD
GRAND RE-OPENING!!
WE'RE BACK AND AVERAGE AS EVER!
After a month-long, much needed break from any and all non-vital cerebral functions, it is time to get back in the swing of writing again! So... here we go once more... the Jumbled Encephalon Noodle Salad Blogspot is back again, with more useless info / trivia / outright lies / stuff to cram into your cranium.
This week's Randomly Chosen City of the Week: Antiquity, Ohio
This week's Flavor of the Week: Rum Raisin with Garlic
This week's Album of the Week: Living in the Material World by George Harrison (1973)
This week's Addiction of the Week: 
Coke Zero (49 weeks running!)
Coke Zero (49 weeks running!)This week's Getaway Destination of the Week: Lodgepole, SD (a mere 41 miles from Reva, 84 miles from Redig, and about 95 miles from the geographical center of the United States - give or take 10 or 20 miles).
This week's Quite Unpleasant Side-Effect: canker sores.
This week's Lunch Meat: Olive Loaf
This week's special: Navel Piercings - 2 for $9.99 (without antiseptic wash)
This week's Gravy: Redeye
This week's Bad Memory: getting shot in the can with a B.B. gun by a surprisingly apologetic fellow student who claimed he thought I was someone else (approximately 1980)
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