The Beginning of a Brave New Adventure...

Feeling nervous is natural in these situations. I mean, I've been to Canada three times (always Ontario), but... China! That's a whole new gig.

And I thought New Mexico was a long way from home!

Acclimating myself to the food over there isn't what unnerves me. I'll be praying a lot and eating plain yogurt by the quart to get that good bacteria built up in my digestive tract (thanks for the tip, Steve & Julia!) Adopting a baby doesn't worry half as much as if my beautiful wife were pregnant (I'd be a nine-month basket case worrying about her every time she snored wrong!) Heck, even the flight - all 18 hours one way - doesn't cause me any trouble sleeping (yet).

No, what I'm dreading is this: going two solid weeks without my laptop. I shudder to think about it. What will I do! I... I'll have to write things out long-hand. Long-hand! With an ink pen. AN INK PEN! And Solitaire... I'll have to use real playing cards! HOW CAN I CHEAT WITH REAL PLAYING CARDS??

And tunes... oh, my tunes!! I'll have to buy an iPod. And not one of those dinky little ones either. Do they make any the size of, say, a brick? How about a loaf of bread? Or even a bread box? I need something that will hold A LOT of music.

Wait... what about e-mail? Oh, no!! I WON'T BE ABLE TO CHECK MY E-MAIL!! Oh for the love of Mike! What will I do? I won't have access to all those offers for college degrees, software, marital aids, and the millions... no billions... no gadzillions of dollars from overseas widows whose husbands were carrying cladestine cash for some underground government entity in need of a checking account in which to hide said money. And all those online pharmacies selling pills pills pills pills pills! Red pills, green pills, blue pills, purple pills. Pills for acne. Pills for weight loss. Pills for headaches. Pills for backaches. Pills for aches we won't go into right now. Pills to pay off your credit cards. Pills to lower your mortgage. Pills to give me deep insight into the future. Oh! And all those important account updates from financial institutions I never even knew I had an account at! And all those nice strangers who just e-mail to say "Hi!" or "Are you ignoring me?" or "Please to repsond urgurently" or "Ferguson fizzled a lime scissor cream" (whatever that means).

Wait... wait... calm... deep breaths. Just like Dr. Rosenblum said, deep breaths... it will be okay. I can live without my laptops for two weeks. Breathe in... breathe out... I'll be alright. I'll be fine. I'll just have to buy a PDA, like a Palm Pilot or Blackberry or something. Yeah! That's it! And an iPod!! A BIG iPod - one so big that its considered a piece of carry-on luggage. There we go!

Whew! I feel better now. Now, about being cooped up in an airplane for 18 hours...