Our cupboard hath begun to overfloweth with cans and jars and bags of all sorts of preserved food stuffs and old spices (not "old spice", mind you...) Seeing as how the Soviet Union is gone and the threat of worldwide nuclear annihlation is somewhat diminished, the wife and I have decided to plow through our storehouse.
For lunch today, I dug out a can of chicken noodle soup - un choix très approprié for such a cold, wintery day. The can had a picture of Neil Armstrong on it, and an advert for an 8"x10" autographed photo of Davy Jones of the Monkees (to be had for the paltry sum of 6 can labels and five cents postage & handling).
The soup was still amazingly good.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Can It Really Be 25 Years?...
It really is difficult to believe it has been 25 years to the day that John Lennon was murdered. I can remember the day as clearly as if it happened yesterday.
Actually, it isn't December 8 I remember, but December 9. His murder occured after most of us east of the Mississippi River had gone to bed, so we didn't find out until the next morning. Still, as I watched the archive footage on BBC World News this morning, the same rush of sadness I felt at age 13 came back.
So today, I listen to John's music (the Anthology boxed set, Walls and Bridges, and - oddly - Some Time In New York City) and I remember the music of a brilliant artist who was ripped from us far, far too soon.
Don't misunderstand me. It isn't that John Lennon was a morality figure or role model. But his music has always been special to me. His lyrics had an honesty to them that is still refreshing, even after all these years.
And the tragic irony that a man who spoke and sang so much about peace and love was taken in such a violent fashion... it is difficult not to feel a tinge of sorrow on such a sad anniversary.
But, just now, as "Mind Games" cues up on the Media Player, I am reminded that life is to be celebrated, not mourned.
So, when you get a chance, grab that John Lennon CD of yours (or, if you don't own one, go buy the newly released Working Class Hero compilation), give it a spin, and appreciate the musical genius that was John Lennon.
Friday, September 30, 2005
Two Weeks
The man leaned back in his uncomfortable desk chair, the friction between his posterior and the cushion making the uncomfortably mistakable noise that makes people look embarrassed as if to say, "Gee, dude... we're working in here, too..."
He stared at the computer screen. Scratching his unshaven chin, he mumbled, "Two weeks."
He shuffled, stretched his legs and looked again at the monitor. "Two weeks."
Indeed, it had been two weeks.
"What happened to my groove? I had such a good groove going."
Back in the day, he did have quite a groove. The man hammered out phrases and paragraphs filled with warmth and humor and a comedic style all his own. Now, one blog and several months later, his groove seems to have dried up.
Withered.
Gone.
Poof.
"Two weeks."
The man sat upright, correcting his posture. "I will blog again", he thought to himself.
Then he shot straight up from his chair.
"I WILL BLOG AGAIN!"
The office fell silent. The man had been thinking out loud - very out loud. In fact, he had been thinking aloud the entire time.
From over the cubicle he heard a couple of snickers, a mumbled, "Gee, dude..."
Then the boss came up behind him.
"Two weeks", the boss said. "Two weeks."
Now the man will have plenty of time to blog.
He stared at the computer screen. Scratching his unshaven chin, he mumbled, "Two weeks."
He shuffled, stretched his legs and looked again at the monitor. "Two weeks."
Indeed, it had been two weeks.
"What happened to my groove? I had such a good groove going."
Back in the day, he did have quite a groove. The man hammered out phrases and paragraphs filled with warmth and humor and a comedic style all his own. Now, one blog and several months later, his groove seems to have dried up.
Withered.
Gone.
Poof.
"Two weeks."
The man sat upright, correcting his posture. "I will blog again", he thought to himself.
Then he shot straight up from his chair.
"I WILL BLOG AGAIN!"
The office fell silent. The man had been thinking out loud - very out loud. In fact, he had been thinking aloud the entire time.
From over the cubicle he heard a couple of snickers, a mumbled, "Gee, dude..."
Then the boss came up behind him.
"Two weeks", the boss said. "Two weeks."
Now the man will have plenty of time to blog.
Friday, September 16, 2005
Yet Another "Horoscope"
Your Fake Horoscope for this week:
ARIES (March 21 - April 19)
Words to live by: It won't always mold if it gets too old. Clean out your refrigerator soon.
TAURUS (April 20 - May 20)
Today you will consume copious amounts of garlic, eggs and ripe cheese. Avoid elevators and closed spaces at all cost.
GEMINI (May 21 - June 21)
She isn't giving you a coy look. She's just gassy. Back off before she puts a restraining order against you.
CANCER (June 22 - July 22)
Remember your second-cousin Freddy, the one who moves from relative to relative with his 1954 Airstream motor coach, overly-regular pit bull Spike and no pooper-scooper? No? Well, he remembers you. Do not answer the door. Close the blinds. Lock the windows. Be very quiet: ever since that near-accident at the power plant he worked at, his hearing is quite acute.
LEO (July 23 - August 22)
You will be quite surprised to wake up and find Bob Dylan is still at your house. Your neighbor's second cousin has a 1954 Airstream motor coach he'll make you a good deal on. Comes with a dog, too.
VIRGO (August 23 - September 22)
Your luck will run out when you find yourself in a spitting match between Good Luck and Lady Luck.
LIBRA (September 23 - October 22)
Today is the day to realize your dream of becoming a Portable Toilet Leveling Engineer. After all, the only thing worse than using a port-a-pot is using one pitched at an angle. You will be the hero of construction workers and outdoor concert-goers worldwide.
SCORPIO (October 23 - November 21)
Your mother knows you have caller ID. Stop avoiding her calls.
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 - December 21)
This is the day to stop that excursion to Karbers Ridge, Illinois, that you keep talking about. Go to Higbee, Missouri, instead.
CAPRICORN (December 22 - January 19)
Yes, you can sue the Kool Aid people. It was irresponsible for that big pitcher of sugary water to come crashing through your wall, no matter how refreshing his contents might be.
AQUARIUS (January 20 - February 18)
The moon is in Pisces and it is high tide for your water sign. This is utter nonsense.
PISCES (February 19 - March 20)
Carpe Hypsiprymnodon: Seize the Musk Kangaroo. If he gets in the crawl space under your house, you'll never get him out - at least not without a fight.
ARIES (March 21 - April 19)
Words to live by: It won't always mold if it gets too old. Clean out your refrigerator soon.
TAURUS (April 20 - May 20)
Today you will consume copious amounts of garlic, eggs and ripe cheese. Avoid elevators and closed spaces at all cost.
GEMINI (May 21 - June 21)
She isn't giving you a coy look. She's just gassy. Back off before she puts a restraining order against you.
CANCER (June 22 - July 22)
Remember your second-cousin Freddy, the one who moves from relative to relative with his 1954 Airstream motor coach, overly-regular pit bull Spike and no pooper-scooper? No? Well, he remembers you. Do not answer the door. Close the blinds. Lock the windows. Be very quiet: ever since that near-accident at the power plant he worked at, his hearing is quite acute.
LEO (July 23 - August 22)
You will be quite surprised to wake up and find Bob Dylan is still at your house. Your neighbor's second cousin has a 1954 Airstream motor coach he'll make you a good deal on. Comes with a dog, too.
VIRGO (August 23 - September 22)
Your luck will run out when you find yourself in a spitting match between Good Luck and Lady Luck.
LIBRA (September 23 - October 22)
Today is the day to realize your dream of becoming a Portable Toilet Leveling Engineer. After all, the only thing worse than using a port-a-pot is using one pitched at an angle. You will be the hero of construction workers and outdoor concert-goers worldwide.
SCORPIO (October 23 - November 21)
Your mother knows you have caller ID. Stop avoiding her calls.
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 - December 21)
This is the day to stop that excursion to Karbers Ridge, Illinois, that you keep talking about. Go to Higbee, Missouri, instead.
CAPRICORN (December 22 - January 19)
Yes, you can sue the Kool Aid people. It was irresponsible for that big pitcher of sugary water to come crashing through your wall, no matter how refreshing his contents might be.
AQUARIUS (January 20 - February 18)
The moon is in Pisces and it is high tide for your water sign. This is utter nonsense.
PISCES (February 19 - March 20)
Carpe Hypsiprymnodon: Seize the Musk Kangaroo. If he gets in the crawl space under your house, you'll never get him out - at least not without a fight.
Here Come The Sun King
Happy Birthday to Louis XIV, 17th century king of France. Had he not succumbed to gangrene on 1 September, 1715, he would be 367 years old today. Too bad he missed being mentioned in song by The Beatles and - far less regally - Bow Wow Wow.
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Notebooks and Words
I love notebooks. I cannot explain it... I have a ton of them, and each is half filled at the most.
Each notebook is different. Some are for personal reflections and thoughts. Some are filled with Bible verses I find uplifting and inspiring. Many have writing ideas - ideas for books, stories, etc... Some have letters never sent. Some are still blank.
I juggle all these notebooks to try to keep the inspiration flowing for all these differing interests.
I recently started two new notebooks, both nice and hardbound. One is "What I Learned Today". Everyday has at least one lesson. I need to jot them down.
The other is ideas and words - off-the-wall words, title ideas, whatever tickles my brain at the time.
So, let me share a couple of obscure words with you, and I will attempt to use them in a sentence.
abderian: prone to continual, asinine laughing.
accipitrine: one who has nose like a hawk's beak
accubation: eating and/or drinking in a lying down position
Tommy's accubationary manner of eating tomato soup brought out Susie's abderian tendencies, causing Tommy to spray soup out his accipitrine nose.
There's a visual for ya!
Each notebook is different. Some are for personal reflections and thoughts. Some are filled with Bible verses I find uplifting and inspiring. Many have writing ideas - ideas for books, stories, etc... Some have letters never sent. Some are still blank.
I juggle all these notebooks to try to keep the inspiration flowing for all these differing interests.
I recently started two new notebooks, both nice and hardbound. One is "What I Learned Today". Everyday has at least one lesson. I need to jot them down.
The other is ideas and words - off-the-wall words, title ideas, whatever tickles my brain at the time.
So, let me share a couple of obscure words with you, and I will attempt to use them in a sentence.
abderian: prone to continual, asinine laughing.
accipitrine: one who has nose like a hawk's beak
accubation: eating and/or drinking in a lying down position
Tommy's accubationary manner of eating tomato soup brought out Susie's abderian tendencies, causing Tommy to spray soup out his accipitrine nose.
There's a visual for ya!
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
This Week's Word in Dutch
Prepare to get just a little smarter - or at least appear so. Here is this week's word in Dutch:
milt: spleen.
Used in a sentence: "Ik houd niet van de smaak van milt." I do not like the taste of spleen.
There. Don't you feel smarter?
milt: spleen.
Used in a sentence: "Ik houd niet van de smaak van milt." I do not like the taste of spleen.
There. Don't you feel smarter?
Eschatology 101
I've been a theology student for six years now. I've read Revelation, and studied what Jesus had to say about the end times. However, I do not believe this is one of the signs...
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
This Week's Alledged Horoscope
ARIES (March 21 - April 19)
Your disappointment over the cancellation of this years Ozzfest will be offset by the announcement of "Ozzmond Fest". Yes, it's your dream come true: Donny, Marie and various sundry members of the Osmond family are going to tour stadiums, ballparks and open farm fields across the US. Be careful not to wet yourself over the opening act: Leif Garrett's cousin, Lenny, who will be performing a set of Leif's biggest hits.
TAURUS (April 20 - May 20)
Corrective surgery is not the answer. As long as you avoid open-toed clogs, no one will notice.
GEMINI (May 21 - June 21)
Love is in the air. The EPA suggests using particulate face masks to filter out the impurities you may be breathing in.
CANCER (June 22 - July 22)
Being too literal about the meaning of the phrase "strike while the iron is hot" could leads to a trip to the emergency room, as well as assault and battery charges. Remember: steam burns can be serious.
LEO (July 23 - August 22)
You will be quite surprised when Bob Dylan stops by your house for a visit - especially since he swore never to return after that whole stir-fry incident. Bob is a red-meat man. Leave the veggies in the fridge.
VIRGO (August 23 - September 22)
There is an old Chinese proverb that says, "Good luck seldom comes in pairs but bad things never walk alone". Remember that when Hall & Oates want to perform at your upcomong neighborhood block party.
LIBRA (September 23 - October 22)
A freak kinetic wave in the western sky will cause Neptune and Jupiter to collide. The flash, eben though light years away, will illuminate the skies over the western hemisphere with a white light that is ten times brighter than that of the sun. The heat produced by this unbelievable planetary catastrophe will cause massive melting near the North Pole, causing flooding of epic - indeed apocalyptic - proportions across Canada and the northwest and north-central United States. Large portions of Michigan - surrounded on three sides by Lakes Michigan, Superior, and Huron - will be swallowed up in the watery swells. Chicago and Detroit will be completely submerged. Top story on the evening news: Jennifer Aniston really sick of Brad's antics.
SCORPIO (October 23 - November 21)
Stop staring. It isn't nice.
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 - December 21)
This is the day to begin that excursion to Karbers Ridge, Illinois, that you keep talking about.
CAPRICORN (December 22 - January 19)
A well meaning acquaintance will approach you today and say, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade!" Squeezing his head as hard as you can and screaming, "You mean like this?!", is an inappropriate response.
AQUARIUS (January 20 - February 18)
Life is a carnival. The health department should inspect it more often.
PISCES (February 19 - March 20)
Your wife called. She said to remember to pick up the kids after school. And, remember, Billy has dance class tonight. Do not taunt Billy about taking dance classes. He may grow up to tap dance all over your critical fanny someday.
Your disappointment over the cancellation of this years Ozzfest will be offset by the announcement of "Ozzmond Fest". Yes, it's your dream come true: Donny, Marie and various sundry members of the Osmond family are going to tour stadiums, ballparks and open farm fields across the US. Be careful not to wet yourself over the opening act: Leif Garrett's cousin, Lenny, who will be performing a set of Leif's biggest hits.
TAURUS (April 20 - May 20)
Corrective surgery is not the answer. As long as you avoid open-toed clogs, no one will notice.
GEMINI (May 21 - June 21)
Love is in the air. The EPA suggests using particulate face masks to filter out the impurities you may be breathing in.
CANCER (June 22 - July 22)
Being too literal about the meaning of the phrase "strike while the iron is hot" could leads to a trip to the emergency room, as well as assault and battery charges. Remember: steam burns can be serious.
LEO (July 23 - August 22)
You will be quite surprised when Bob Dylan stops by your house for a visit - especially since he swore never to return after that whole stir-fry incident. Bob is a red-meat man. Leave the veggies in the fridge.
VIRGO (August 23 - September 22)
There is an old Chinese proverb that says, "Good luck seldom comes in pairs but bad things never walk alone". Remember that when Hall & Oates want to perform at your upcomong neighborhood block party.
LIBRA (September 23 - October 22)
A freak kinetic wave in the western sky will cause Neptune and Jupiter to collide. The flash, eben though light years away, will illuminate the skies over the western hemisphere with a white light that is ten times brighter than that of the sun. The heat produced by this unbelievable planetary catastrophe will cause massive melting near the North Pole, causing flooding of epic - indeed apocalyptic - proportions across Canada and the northwest and north-central United States. Large portions of Michigan - surrounded on three sides by Lakes Michigan, Superior, and Huron - will be swallowed up in the watery swells. Chicago and Detroit will be completely submerged. Top story on the evening news: Jennifer Aniston really sick of Brad's antics.
SCORPIO (October 23 - November 21)
Stop staring. It isn't nice.
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 - December 21)
This is the day to begin that excursion to Karbers Ridge, Illinois, that you keep talking about.
CAPRICORN (December 22 - January 19)
A well meaning acquaintance will approach you today and say, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade!" Squeezing his head as hard as you can and screaming, "You mean like this?!", is an inappropriate response.
AQUARIUS (January 20 - February 18)
Life is a carnival. The health department should inspect it more often.
PISCES (February 19 - March 20)
Your wife called. She said to remember to pick up the kids after school. And, remember, Billy has dance class tonight. Do not taunt Billy about taking dance classes. He may grow up to tap dance all over your critical fanny someday.
Sunday, August 21, 2005
The Wanderlust Itch
I love the Sunday paper. I shuck it down to size, removing the news, opinion and sports sections (making sure to extract the NY Times crossword puzzle). I give the ads to the wife, and grasp hold of the travel section.
Ahhhh… travel. I love to go, to see new sights and live new experiences. Not that I’m a seasoned world traveler. (Although, I’ve been to Canada three times, so there is an argument to be made for my international traveler status.)
Right now, I have the itch – the Wanderlust Itch. It becomes almost a physical feeling, this deep need to get out and go. I love hotel rooms and driving endless hours with a bottle of my favorite diet soda and a mix of favorite tunes (or, better yet, engaging audio books or talk radio). I get a kick out of local kitsch, and dining in local restaurants (no arches or crowns or tolling bells).
And yet I do so little of it. The entire summer has come and (almost) gone, and what have I done? Far too little.
Far, far too little.
So, it’s time to go. Where? I dunno. Maybe the Sunday paper will give me some ideas.
Ahhhh… travel. I love to go, to see new sights and live new experiences. Not that I’m a seasoned world traveler. (Although, I’ve been to Canada three times, so there is an argument to be made for my international traveler status.)
Right now, I have the itch – the Wanderlust Itch. It becomes almost a physical feeling, this deep need to get out and go. I love hotel rooms and driving endless hours with a bottle of my favorite diet soda and a mix of favorite tunes (or, better yet, engaging audio books or talk radio). I get a kick out of local kitsch, and dining in local restaurants (no arches or crowns or tolling bells).
And yet I do so little of it. The entire summer has come and (almost) gone, and what have I done? Far too little.
Far, far too little.
So, it’s time to go. Where? I dunno. Maybe the Sunday paper will give me some ideas.
Friday, August 12, 2005
The Return of the Horoscope
One of the most popular - and controversial - features of the old blog was the horoscope. It was inaccurate, it was funny and - most importantly - it was fiction!!! I do not believe in seers of the future or prognosticators of destiny. You shouldn't, either. Heck, meteorologists can't even predict the weather, and they have scientific data behind them!
So it is, with these things in mind, that we present The Jumbled Encephalon Horoscope.
Enjoy!
___________________________________
ARIES (March 21 - April 19)
You're upcoming appearance on The Tonight Show could be fraught with danger. Tom Cruise will be sitting on the couch as well. Be careful not to toss your mug of water in his face. And don't ask him how Nicole's been.
TAURUS (April 20 - May 20)
Your heart will race. Your nerves will tinge with excitement. At long last you will experience the feeling of speed chugging five doublemoccachinolatteespressos at the local coffee bar. Do not order a sixth one, no matter how much the spiky-haired kid behind the counter eggs you on.
GEMINI (May 21 - June 21)
Be careful how you invest. Despite what your cousin's broker tells you, Commodore 64 tape drive computers are not "a hot commodity again."
CANCER (June 22 - July 22)
Be careful. The filling in that microwave sandwich may be hot.
LEO (July 23 - August 22)
You will be quite surprised when Edgar Allan Poe stops by your house for a visit - especially since he died about 156 years ago. If he has a blackbird on his shoulder squawking "nevermore", it's time to move.
VIRGO (August 23 - September 22)
Good news: you will discover a way to lose weight safely and quickly while doing nothing but eating junkfood and pizza, watching endless hours of your favorites movies and reading. Bad news: you will wake up.
LIBRA (September 23 - October 22)
An off-the-cuff remark about how wonderful life is "in the summertime" will spark a Mungo Jerry reunion. But don't expect to see any money from the concert.
SCORPIO (October 23 - November 21)
You will be frustrated when you discover that, despite your months of research, experimentation and hard work, there is just no way to make tofu palatable.
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 - December 21)
Your boss is behind you. Shouldn't you be doing something other than reading this fake horoscope?
CAPRICORN (December 22 - January 19)
It's time to switch deodorants. Seriously.
AQUARIUS (January 20 - February 18)
Live for today. If you wait until after midnight, today will be gone. Luckily for you, what you now refer to as tomorrow will become today, which is now yesterday - not to be confused with the yesterday you know today because it will be two days ago not yesterday, so when tomorrow comes and it is today (not today today, which is yesterday), then... oh... ow... my head hurts...
PISCES (February 19 - March 20)
Your wife called. She said to bring home a loaf of wheat bread and a gallon of milk. And it had better be skim milk.
EDGAR (February 30)
You will discover being born on a fictitious date has its advantages as well as disadvantages. You will have to decide which is which.
So it is, with these things in mind, that we present The Jumbled Encephalon Horoscope.
Enjoy!
___________________________________
ARIES (March 21 - April 19)
You're upcoming appearance on The Tonight Show could be fraught with danger. Tom Cruise will be sitting on the couch as well. Be careful not to toss your mug of water in his face. And don't ask him how Nicole's been.
TAURUS (April 20 - May 20)
Your heart will race. Your nerves will tinge with excitement. At long last you will experience the feeling of speed chugging five doublemoccachinolatteespressos at the local coffee bar. Do not order a sixth one, no matter how much the spiky-haired kid behind the counter eggs you on.
GEMINI (May 21 - June 21)
Be careful how you invest. Despite what your cousin's broker tells you, Commodore 64 tape drive computers are not "a hot commodity again."
CANCER (June 22 - July 22)
Be careful. The filling in that microwave sandwich may be hot.
LEO (July 23 - August 22)
You will be quite surprised when Edgar Allan Poe stops by your house for a visit - especially since he died about 156 years ago. If he has a blackbird on his shoulder squawking "nevermore", it's time to move.
VIRGO (August 23 - September 22)
Good news: you will discover a way to lose weight safely and quickly while doing nothing but eating junkfood and pizza, watching endless hours of your favorites movies and reading. Bad news: you will wake up.
LIBRA (September 23 - October 22)
An off-the-cuff remark about how wonderful life is "in the summertime" will spark a Mungo Jerry reunion. But don't expect to see any money from the concert.
SCORPIO (October 23 - November 21)
You will be frustrated when you discover that, despite your months of research, experimentation and hard work, there is just no way to make tofu palatable.
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 - December 21)
Your boss is behind you. Shouldn't you be doing something other than reading this fake horoscope?
CAPRICORN (December 22 - January 19)
It's time to switch deodorants. Seriously.
AQUARIUS (January 20 - February 18)
Live for today. If you wait until after midnight, today will be gone. Luckily for you, what you now refer to as tomorrow will become today, which is now yesterday - not to be confused with the yesterday you know today because it will be two days ago not yesterday, so when tomorrow comes and it is today (not today today, which is yesterday), then... oh... ow... my head hurts...
PISCES (February 19 - March 20)
Your wife called. She said to bring home a loaf of wheat bread and a gallon of milk. And it had better be skim milk.
EDGAR (February 30)
You will discover being born on a fictitious date has its advantages as well as disadvantages. You will have to decide which is which.
Thursday, August 11, 2005
You Can Take The Hoosier Out Of Indiana, But You Can't Get The Gravy Out Of His Bloodstream
I have been really crabby and stressed out lately. At first, I thought the cause might be my laptop computer which repeatedly sends me a pop-up to remind me that it has an "internal program error". Or, maybe its the two cats who race through the house at 3:00 every morning like a heard of screeching elephants. Maybe my nervousness is work-related, or (non-) exercise related. Perhaps I'm just experiencing plain ol', everyday life-management related stress.
Alas, I have finally figured out the source of my stress, and it isn't work or school or computer. I suffer from ASGWD - Accute Sausage Gravy Withdrawl Disorder. Granted, I'm not a doctor. However, I'm sure my self-diagnosis is correct.
I have all the symptoms: nervousness; irritability; trouble sleeping; heart palpatations; excessive craving for extremely rich, greasy foods... the signs are all there. You see, as a Hoosier, I am genetically predisposed to need a certain amount of sausage gravy and biscuits. And I don't mean just any gravy. I mean good, thick, hearty gravy - with big chunks of country sausage - slathered generously over hot, home-baked buttered biscuits, and seasoned with just the right proportions of salt, pepper and sage.... and... oh, no...
Ooooooooowoo! Hold on... there we go... easy... easy... breathe deep... inhale... exhale... Sorry about that. Just had a DT. Delirium tremors are part of the withdrawl aspect of ASGWD.
The problem is, I can go anywhere and get tap water "gravy" poured over hardtack biscuits. But that watery goo just won't do. The only known treatment fro ASGWD is real, thick, slow-cooked sausage gravy, made with real whole milk and flour and grease from the fried sausage and...
uh-oh...
wooooooooh Nelly yeeeeeeeoww!!! Settle down... breathe... calming, cleansing breaths... slow down... there we go...
Sorry. Another DT.
Or maybe my arteries are quaking in fear of all that cholestrol and pork fat and margarine and gluton and red meat and...
Naw. I'm sticking with the ASGWD story.
Alas, I have finally figured out the source of my stress, and it isn't work or school or computer. I suffer from ASGWD - Accute Sausage Gravy Withdrawl Disorder. Granted, I'm not a doctor. However, I'm sure my self-diagnosis is correct.
I have all the symptoms: nervousness; irritability; trouble sleeping; heart palpatations; excessive craving for extremely rich, greasy foods... the signs are all there. You see, as a Hoosier, I am genetically predisposed to need a certain amount of sausage gravy and biscuits. And I don't mean just any gravy. I mean good, thick, hearty gravy - with big chunks of country sausage - slathered generously over hot, home-baked buttered biscuits, and seasoned with just the right proportions of salt, pepper and sage.... and... oh, no...
Ooooooooowoo! Hold on... there we go... easy... easy... breathe deep... inhale... exhale... Sorry about that. Just had a DT. Delirium tremors are part of the withdrawl aspect of ASGWD.
The problem is, I can go anywhere and get tap water "gravy" poured over hardtack biscuits. But that watery goo just won't do. The only known treatment fro ASGWD is real, thick, slow-cooked sausage gravy, made with real whole milk and flour and grease from the fried sausage and...
uh-oh...
wooooooooh Nelly yeeeeeeeoww!!! Settle down... breathe... calming, cleansing breaths... slow down... there we go...
Sorry. Another DT.
Or maybe my arteries are quaking in fear of all that cholestrol and pork fat and margarine and gluton and red meat and...
Naw. I'm sticking with the ASGWD story.
This Week's Dutch Word
The Jumbled Encephalon Education Disservice
Our Motto This Week: We won't make you any smarter, but we might help you appear that way!
This Week's "Learn To Fake Dutch" word:
OMSLOG = wrap
CONGRATULATIONS! Your Dutch vocabulary is now two words long. (Sorry - "Dutch Oven" doesn't count.)
Enjoy today's word. Memorize it. Use it. Befuddle your buddies. And - hopefully - look smarter and get that promotion you've been hoping for!
Our Motto This Week: We won't make you any smarter, but we might help you appear that way!
This Week's "Learn To Fake Dutch" word:
OMSLOG = wrap
CONGRATULATIONS! Your Dutch vocabulary is now two words long. (Sorry - "Dutch Oven" doesn't count.)
Enjoy today's word. Memorize it. Use it. Befuddle your buddies. And - hopefully - look smarter and get that promotion you've been hoping for!
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Indiana Towns (or, Let's Road Trip!)
I love the names some small towns are christened with. I wonder, "Where on earth did THAT come from?" Some are peculiar, some undecipherable, some very creative, and some equally uncreative.
In a reprise of a post from the old blog of months past, here are some oddly named Hoosier burghs.
I smell road trip here. Are you reading this, Brent? Mike?
__________________
Maxinkuckee
Zulu (because Indiana is famous for its Zulu population)
Tunker
Southwest (a town in far north-central Indiana)
Central (a town in far southern Indiana)
Center (in northern Indiana)
Advance
Oolitic (fun to pronounce)
Gnaw Bone
Story
Lake Bruce
Bruce Lake (a town about 3 miles from Lake Bruce. By the way, my map shows no body of water named either "Bruce Lake" or "Lake Bruce")
Toto
Otis
Enos
Exchange
Economy
Daylight
Santa Claus
Spraytown
Ijamsville
Alamo (a place to always remember)
Roll
Friendship
Peppertown
Needmore
Acme
Petroleum
Domestic
Universal
China
Mexico
Poland
Norway
Angola
Peru
Ceylon
Lebanon
Siberia
Nebraska
Maryland
Moscow
Manilla
Geneva
London
Versailles
Brooklyn
St. Paul
Atlanta
Dublin
Rome City
Austin
Topeka
Santa Fe
Denver
Chili
Bono (amazingly, there are two Bono, Indianas)
Mace
Nulltown
Pinola
Farmers
Farmers Retreat
Pleasant
Prince's Lake (the one with the purple water)
Raccoon
Salamonia
Phlox
Cuzco
Churubusco
In a reprise of a post from the old blog of months past, here are some oddly named Hoosier burghs.
I smell road trip here. Are you reading this, Brent? Mike?
__________________
Maxinkuckee
Zulu (because Indiana is famous for its Zulu population)
Tunker
Southwest (a town in far north-central Indiana)
Central (a town in far southern Indiana)
Center (in northern Indiana)
Advance
Oolitic (fun to pronounce)
Gnaw Bone
Story
Lake Bruce
Bruce Lake (a town about 3 miles from Lake Bruce. By the way, my map shows no body of water named either "Bruce Lake" or "Lake Bruce")
Toto
Otis
Enos
Exchange
Economy
Daylight
Santa Claus
Spraytown
Ijamsville
Alamo (a place to always remember)
Roll
Friendship
Peppertown
Needmore
Acme
Petroleum
Domestic
Universal
China
Mexico
Poland
Norway
Angola
Peru
Ceylon
Lebanon
Siberia
Nebraska
Maryland
Moscow
Manilla
Geneva
London
Versailles
Brooklyn
St. Paul
Atlanta
Dublin
Rome City
Austin
Topeka
Santa Fe
Denver
Chili
Bono (amazingly, there are two Bono, Indianas)
Mace
Nulltown
Pinola
Farmers
Farmers Retreat
Pleasant
Prince's Lake (the one with the purple water)
Raccoon
Salamonia
Phlox
Cuzco
Churubusco
Friday, August 05, 2005
What Time Is It???
I don't know about you, but I wake up many nights around 2:30 AM wondering what time it is in Fiji. Well... wonder no more. Just go to the Time And Date World Clock website and see the current time for scads of locations around the world.
More Prickly Dutch Talk
I was just talking with a friend of mine from Suriname about this blog, and he mentioned that Dutch is his native language. He has confirmed for us that stekelvarken does, in fact, mean porcupine. And - this is free, folks - take off the "stekel", leave the "varken" and you have "pig".
Upon further investigation, I found the Dutch word "steckelig" means "prickly".
So, there you have it. Stekelvarkin: prickly pig.
Upon further investigation, I found the Dutch word "steckelig" means "prickly".
So, there you have it. Stekelvarkin: prickly pig.
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Learn To Fake Dutch in Ten Years... or less!
Nothing will impress another person more than your knowledge of the Dutch language. Indeed, the more Dutch you can speak, the smarter others will think you are!
The first endeavor of The Jumbled Encephalon Education Disservice will be to teach you Dutch in less than ten years. Each week (or two, it's according to how I feel and what phase the moon is in), we will learn a new Dutch word.
"But wait", you are probably asking. "Isn't ten years an awfully long time?" Yes. But, remember, the object here isn't to actually learn the language fluently. You just want others to think you can speak the language fluently, thus appearing smarter than you really are and sparing yourself a lot of hassle. Plus, you can save precious brain cells for more important matters, like trying to remember what episodes of Seinfeld you've already watched. This way you can save time by quickly switching to the Everybody Loves Raymond rerun without missing a previously unviewed Seinfeld.
So without further ado, here is this week's Dutch word. Memorize it, get to know it, and dazzle your friends, family and co-workers.
This week's word:
STEKELVARKEN: porcupine
The first endeavor of The Jumbled Encephalon Education Disservice will be to teach you Dutch in less than ten years. Each week (or two, it's according to how I feel and what phase the moon is in), we will learn a new Dutch word.
"But wait", you are probably asking. "Isn't ten years an awfully long time?" Yes. But, remember, the object here isn't to actually learn the language fluently. You just want others to think you can speak the language fluently, thus appearing smarter than you really are and sparing yourself a lot of hassle. Plus, you can save precious brain cells for more important matters, like trying to remember what episodes of Seinfeld you've already watched. This way you can save time by quickly switching to the Everybody Loves Raymond rerun without missing a previously unviewed Seinfeld.
So without further ado, here is this week's Dutch word. Memorize it, get to know it, and dazzle your friends, family and co-workers.
This week's word:
STEKELVARKEN: porcupine
The Jumbled Encephalon Education Disservice
If you're a reader of The Jumbled Encephalon Noodle Salad blog, then you are obviously a person of refined taste and acute mental acumen. You are an individual who appreciates fine dining without linen cloths, the beauty of artistic expression without pretension, a great music (no matter how many disagree with your tastes!).
You are also a person who enjoys filling your head with knowledge, with little or no regard for that information's usefulness (or lack thereof...)
It is for you that I am introducing...
THE JUMBLED ENCEPHALON EDUCATION DISSERVICE
Our motto: "You may not actually be any smarter. But you can fake it!"
Our first endeavor will be introduced in the next blog, so... keep tuning in! And keep looking smarter!
You are also a person who enjoys filling your head with knowledge, with little or no regard for that information's usefulness (or lack thereof...)
It is for you that I am introducing...
THE JUMBLED ENCEPHALON EDUCATION DISSERVICE
Our motto: "You may not actually be any smarter. But you can fake it!"
Our first endeavor will be introduced in the next blog, so... keep tuning in! And keep looking smarter!
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Big Plans, Big Plans... Revised Edition
I am looking forward to tonight. The wife is having a ladies' gathering, and the house will be filled with feminine potions and lotions and giggly emotions as the guests begin slathering themselves in sprays and creams and powdery stuff that makes them smell of lilacs and coconuts and palmagranates and every conceivable form of flora and fauna.
They will then complain that the bees and mosquitos won't leave them alone. Go figure.
It is a wonderful get together for those of the fairer gender, but no place for men. So, it is for the sake of my masculinity that I must leave my humble abode for the evening.
Good luck to our cats, Waylon and Willie. They are on their own.
I look forward to tonight, for I will retire to one of my favorite latte shops, sip on an overpriced sugary faux-coffee concoction, and work on some writing. I'm sure I will end up reeking of overly sweet mochachinolatte with whipped topping.
Then I'll be the one complaining about the bees and mosquitos. Go figure.
Sometimes I guess we all need a little pampering and sweetening.
They will then complain that the bees and mosquitos won't leave them alone. Go figure.
It is a wonderful get together for those of the fairer gender, but no place for men. So, it is for the sake of my masculinity that I must leave my humble abode for the evening.
Good luck to our cats, Waylon and Willie. They are on their own.
I look forward to tonight, for I will retire to one of my favorite latte shops, sip on an overpriced sugary faux-coffee concoction, and work on some writing. I'm sure I will end up reeking of overly sweet mochachinolatte with whipped topping.
Then I'll be the one complaining about the bees and mosquitos. Go figure.
Sometimes I guess we all need a little pampering and sweetening.
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
This Week's Hot Spins
Today, we have quite a cornucopia of tunes collected in the CD case. Here are this week's Jumbled Encephalon Noodle Salad Hot Spins:
PETER GABRIEL: Up - moody, atmospheric... touches of Us, So and Security pop up here and there.
STEVIE WONDER: The Definitive Collection - "Sir Duke" makes it worth the money all by itself... one of the most infectous pop songs of all time.
NEIL YOUNG: Comes A Time - If you like Harvest, try this often overlooked set from 1978. Includes the CSNY outtake "Four Strong Winds" from the aborted album they attempted in the mid-70's.
ROCKPILE: Seconds of Pleasure - fantastic rocking set from Nick "Cruel To Be Kind" Lowe, Dave "I Hear You Knocking" Edmunds and company.
WINGS: Venus and Mars - 'Cause ya always need a little McCartney to satisfy your musical sugar fix.
MIDNIGHT OIL: Blue Sky Mining - This one is growing on me. Thought it was ok... now think it's really good.
PASTE MAGAZINE FREEBEE DISC from December 2004: Some wonderful little known stuff from Sam Roberts, Low Millions, The Arcade Fire, Alison Krauss and others.
MADNESS: The Business - If you thought all they did was "Our House", "It Must Be Love" and / or "One Step Beyond", think again. This 3 CD British collection includes all their UK singles - A & B sides. Great stuff to make you smile!
PETER GABRIEL: Up - moody, atmospheric... touches of Us, So and Security pop up here and there.
STEVIE WONDER: The Definitive Collection - "Sir Duke" makes it worth the money all by itself... one of the most infectous pop songs of all time.
NEIL YOUNG: Comes A Time - If you like Harvest, try this often overlooked set from 1978. Includes the CSNY outtake "Four Strong Winds" from the aborted album they attempted in the mid-70's.
ROCKPILE: Seconds of Pleasure - fantastic rocking set from Nick "Cruel To Be Kind" Lowe, Dave "I Hear You Knocking" Edmunds and company.
WINGS: Venus and Mars - 'Cause ya always need a little McCartney to satisfy your musical sugar fix.
MIDNIGHT OIL: Blue Sky Mining - This one is growing on me. Thought it was ok... now think it's really good.
PASTE MAGAZINE FREEBEE DISC from December 2004: Some wonderful little known stuff from Sam Roberts, Low Millions, The Arcade Fire, Alison Krauss and others.
MADNESS: The Business - If you thought all they did was "Our House", "It Must Be Love" and / or "One Step Beyond", think again. This 3 CD British collection includes all their UK singles - A & B sides. Great stuff to make you smile!
Monday, August 01, 2005
Bulldroppings (or We've Only Just Begun... Again)
This isn't my first attempt at this. In fact, I had a creative writing blog much like this once upon a time ago.
It was a wonderful spot, full of wit and wisdom and random cerebral minutae. People travelled many long miles and hours just to gaze at the majesty, to revel in tales woven of growing tofu and Eddie Money's exploits on the border of Mexico. Folks soaked in the silliness of it all, and they loved it. They smiled. They laughed.
Well... most of them.
You see, I am not just a blogger or writer. I'm also a theology student, studying to be a pastor (sixteen months to my degree!). And, when one hears that word "pastor", a much different image is immediately mentally projected. Some folks see Billy Graham, some Oral Roberts. Some see Reverend Alden from "Little House on the Prairie" and some see the firey brimstone preacher of their childhood.
There is one unfortuante common denominator to describe how many people see those in ministry: Dour. Dry. Devoid of humor.
To that notion I say this: Baloney. Bunk. Bulldroppings.
Yeah, I said it. Bulldroppings.
Bulldropping bulldroppings bulldroppings.
BULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLDROPPINGS!!
I let one person's opinion convince me I should take the old blog down. I will never make that mistake again.
So, dive in. Visit regularly as I spin yarns, share recipes, stick in photos, review favorite albums, and basically purge my mind of whatever's rattlin' around up there (hence the name: Jumbled Encephalon Noodle Salad).
Enjoy!!
It was a wonderful spot, full of wit and wisdom and random cerebral minutae. People travelled many long miles and hours just to gaze at the majesty, to revel in tales woven of growing tofu and Eddie Money's exploits on the border of Mexico. Folks soaked in the silliness of it all, and they loved it. They smiled. They laughed.
Well... most of them.
You see, I am not just a blogger or writer. I'm also a theology student, studying to be a pastor (sixteen months to my degree!). And, when one hears that word "pastor", a much different image is immediately mentally projected. Some folks see Billy Graham, some Oral Roberts. Some see Reverend Alden from "Little House on the Prairie" and some see the firey brimstone preacher of their childhood.
There is one unfortuante common denominator to describe how many people see those in ministry: Dour. Dry. Devoid of humor.
To that notion I say this: Baloney. Bunk. Bulldroppings.
Yeah, I said it. Bulldroppings.
Bulldropping bulldroppings bulldroppings.
BULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLDROPPINGS!!
I let one person's opinion convince me I should take the old blog down. I will never make that mistake again.
So, dive in. Visit regularly as I spin yarns, share recipes, stick in photos, review favorite albums, and basically purge my mind of whatever's rattlin' around up there (hence the name: Jumbled Encephalon Noodle Salad).
Enjoy!!
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