You Can Take The Hoosier Out Of Indiana, But You Can't Get The Gravy Out Of His Bloodstream

I have been really crabby and stressed out lately. At first, I thought the cause might be my laptop computer which repeatedly sends me a pop-up to remind me that it has an "internal program error". Or, maybe its the two cats who race through the house at 3:00 every morning like a heard of screeching elephants. Maybe my nervousness is work-related, or (non-) exercise related. Perhaps I'm just experiencing plain ol', everyday life-management related stress.

Alas, I have finally figured out the source of my stress, and it isn't work or school or computer. I suffer from ASGWD - Accute Sausage Gravy Withdrawl Disorder. Granted, I'm not a doctor. However, I'm sure my self-diagnosis is correct.

I have all the symptoms: nervousness; irritability; trouble sleeping; heart palpatations; excessive craving for extremely rich, greasy foods... the signs are all there. You see, as a Hoosier, I am genetically predisposed to need a certain amount of sausage gravy and biscuits. And I don't mean just any gravy. I mean good, thick, hearty gravy - with big chunks of country sausage - slathered generously over hot, home-baked buttered biscuits, and seasoned with just the right proportions of salt, pepper and sage.... and... oh, no...

Ooooooooowoo! Hold on... there we go... easy... easy... breathe deep... inhale... exhale... Sorry about that. Just had a DT. Delirium tremors are part of the withdrawl aspect of ASGWD.

The problem is, I can go anywhere and get tap water "gravy" poured over hardtack biscuits. But that watery goo just won't do. The only known treatment fro ASGWD is real, thick, slow-cooked sausage gravy, made with real whole milk and flour and grease from the fried sausage and...

uh-oh...

wooooooooh Nelly yeeeeeeeoww!!! Settle down... breathe... calming, cleansing breaths... slow down... there we go...

Sorry. Another DT.

Or maybe my arteries are quaking in fear of all that cholestrol and pork fat and margarine and gluton and red meat and...

Naw. I'm sticking with the ASGWD story.